Zag! Magazine Interview November 2002

Zag Magazine: What other dance forms have you studied?

Mésmera: Some ballet, a bit of African, and modern in high school.

Zag: How did you discover your love for Africa and what happened to bring you to that realization? Also, what is your favorite memory of your trips to Africa.

Mésmera: I've been attracted since childhood to the animals and the "wild".
Plus there's been so many dreams about it over the years. Filming "Afrika, Mother of Dance" was a high point filled with many outstanding moments......
some funny, some dangerous, some just awesome, some actually uncomfortable, and yet still great memories. Most of them are vividly clear in the videos, but a few are not.

Like in the final performance at the end of Part 2: Primordial Rhythms, for example, how many pounds of mud was stuck to my feet as I attempted to glide smoothly along the edge of Lake Nakuru! My large flamingo colored
veil hung across my shoulders so nicely as I struggled to free each step from the suction grip of mud 4 to 6 inches deep. Ha Ha! Hard to trip blithely along the lakeshore dancing to an audience of 10,000 flamingoes with mud cakes the size of big shoe boxes on my feet, you know!

Also, in Part 1: Veils of Kilimanjaro, it was incredible when the wildebeest ran behind me! I heard my director screaming, "They're starting to run! Don't turn around! Don't stop!" Within a few more hip drops, I could hear their hooves thundering louder and more and more. I couldn't stand not looking, and did a 1/4 turn with an upward double armsweep into a long, slow upper body camel so that I could turn to see them. A thrill shot through me as the entire herd surged forth, running in clusters and strands, speeding across the veldt. Unlike our vehicle, they were quite close, and I was so relieved to see them moving parallel to me rather than toward me. Why are they running? I wondered if they'd heard Raja's music..... it always moves me! Or did they catch the scent of a lion. If so, I wanted to run with them! And yet ...... the camera was rolling. I was deeply engaged in translating all the life and beauty around me into dance. I remember how rich the moment seemed, as it revealed a glimpse of life in perfect balance. I sent many prayers and blessings to the wildebeests and Kilimanjaro for their primordial gifts.

In fact, Africa holds an abundance of such "gifts". During the 7 week production safari, countless examples of this occurred, things that couldn't have been expected or controlled by anyone. Maybe it was the Spring season, maybe we were just lucky. Regardless, I was in a fairly constant state of grace, for no matter how many obstacles were encountered, no matter how travelworn my crew and I were, when the camera was rolling, the results were spectacular.

Naturally, it was essential to me that I capture my best work and return home with footage deserving of all the love and support my students and friends had given me at my farewell performance. I had no idea as I twirled and stepped with sure-footed ease upon the smooth, flat wooden floor in Los Angeles, that all my stages were about to become so difficult. By the time the shoot was over, my feet and equilibrium had not only been challenged by sticky mud that caked and clung like heavy shoes, but also by uneven, dusty earth, grasslands with long, tangled runners covering treacherous holes and burrows, sand that shifted with every weight change, slippery gravel over stone atop a 200 foot escarpment, and a dead tree where only my toes
gripping a crevice in its gnarly trunk kept me from falling 20 feet into the thorny brush below as I attempted to pour all my passion into each move.

Sometimes I froze for hours before the crew was ready to roll. Sometimes I melted within a minute of stepping outside the vehicle in sweltering sun that defied all make-up. There was rain and wind strong enough to make balance and grace a task. All of these elements continually demanded an advanced awareness in letting go of preconceived notions, being centered in the moment and simply trusting the forces of creation to move me. I'd spoken of this so often in my classes, and was thoroughly put to the test.

Zag: Who do you look to for inspiration when you create a dance or are dancing?

Mésmera: Well, more than "who", it's "what". I like to draw from many sources, you know, like ........ Life. My heart's desire. Mother of Creation. Iris, goddess of the rainbow. Nature. Animals. Archetypes, geometry, anatomy, kinesiology, colors, Deities. I especially like to integrate knowledge, awareness, Spirit and actively embody these elements in my work. It brings grace and heartfulness into a joyful blend with the art of entertainment so that it's a moving experience for my audience as well as for me. There's definitely more than technique to a satisfying dance experience.

Zag: If you had not become a professional dancer, what do you think you might have become?

Mésmera: A healer. An ecologist. Something I could pour my passion into.

Zag: What is your favorite color?

Mésmera: Rainbow, really! Impossible choice! Purple, red and gold are a favorite combination, however, it would be tough to continue without green and orange these days. I'm intimately involved with color on a daily basis. I actually have cravings and binges! Sounds so silly, yes? Sometimes I have to buy things just to satisfy the "hunger for the hue"! Other times, there's phases of preferences and color groups with varying intensities busily at work in subtle ways. I could never be satisfied with anything less than freedom of "full spectrum" and absolute "prism power". It just wouldn't be enough.

Zag: What is your one food weakness?

Mésmera: Cherries. Dark, firm, large, sweet. Don't make me drool.

Zag: Tell us about your "other life", the life you lead outside of the public eye, what is your typical day or weekend like? What do you like to do when you have a day off?

Mésmera: Hmmmm......clean a few snake cages, mend a costume, get the pedicure, ........ you have to adjust your idea of "a day off" when you're self-employed, because there's so many hats, I always seem to have one or another of them "on", even when they're scheduled to be "off". When I decided to dive into dance as a career, I thought, "Wheeee, I'll just DANCE for a living, and then I'll never have to really have a job at all!" How naive! Now I see that it's about 20% dancing and 80% taking care of business online, on the phone, on my desk, and on and on..... pretty much like most jobs after all.

Zag: Describe your idea of the "perfect" man?

Mésmera: "Wild man sitting on the moon" is an illustration on a refrigerator magnet that a student gave me. It says this, and I like it a lot ..... "Wild man dances through the universe. His passionate energies thrust and quiver through all of Spirit's Creation. He sits firmly planted on the moon; his exuberant being in harmony with the Great Feminine Mystery. Harmony and celebration come to the world through his loving, connected actions. His joyful connections with his own feminine nature assure that his actions will bring harmony and celebration to the world." Where is this guy? I'd like to meet him.

Zag: Do you design your own costumes?

Mésmera: Yes, always, unless I find something unusual off the rack, or a well designed classic.

Zag: What piece of music really "gets you"?

Mésmera: You mean like now? Or this one now? Or the new one now? It's always the piece that stimulates the deepest feeling, and when it loses it's charge through repetition, it's the new stimulant that "gets me".

Zag: Who has been the biggest influence on your dance, as well as non-dance, life?

Mésmera: Hey! This is the hardest question of all! I honestly don't know. I've been so independent and never was available for seminars because I was performing and teaching too much to attend them. I remember when I first saw Mona Said on video and she instantly became my favorite Egyptian dancer because she emoted the most pleasure and beauty in her dance, yet I was already very connected to that quality and was building both confidence and clientele with it. Honestly, I think it has to do with my Russian heritage and my Aunt and Mother and Grandmother. They loved music and dance and as a child I was captivated by the wholehearted playfulness of it all. Such fun and excitement whenever they put on some music and began to move. At 3 years old, I was already dancing up and down the aisle for the patrons at any diner that had a jukebox if my parents would pick a song I liked. But then ....... a lot of kids do that, right? If no one stops them, it's quite natural.

Zag: Who did you first study with when you came to belly dance?

Mésmera: Gena Reno was my teacher for several months in the beginning. She was trained by Marta Zorina in New York, who is still a treasured inspiration for many. She even taught private classes for Bobby Farrah. Gena quit dancing shortly after I started, which was unimaginable to me, as I was on fire with the discovery and development bellydance brings anyone who approaches with enthusiasm.

Zag: What were some of your interests before belly dancing? Do you have hobbies?

Mésmera: Before dance there was swimming, hiking, horseback riding, scuba diving, dating, movies, gardening, friends and social time. Now there's dance related activities, all of which I prefer and am highly motivated to continue with new projects. I get so many ideas for things I want to do that
it will take several lifetimes at least! I can't begin to think in terms of hobbies when there's so many more videos to produce, and so many more exotic dance adventures to have, and so many events and shows to dream up. Lucky, lucky ladies we are to be able to pursue such things.

Zag: Did you graduate from college? If so, from where and with what degree?

Mésmera: Two years of general education at San Diego State College was enough to let me know that I didn't want to teach in the city school system. I dropped out when I saw it was a road headed for somewhere I didn't wish to go, and went into business for myself. It was shortly thereafter that I opened my first boutique in Las Vegas.

Zag: You referenced your "first boutique in Las Vegas." What boutique? Were you in retail before your dance career? If so, in what area and for how long?

Mésmera: I had a very pretty boutique there for a couple of years, called "River Daughter" and designed beautiful, sexy clothes and leather fashions. It was quite something. I was very young and it was my first business. Honestly, I could write a whole chapter on it, because there were so many
characters and stories coming through my door all the time. What an education!

Zag: How were you "discovered", or how did you get your job at the restaurant where you now dance (I forgot it's name), and how long have you been there? Do you ever tire of dancing there or start feeling "stale" ?

Mésmera: I'm not aware of any particular time when I was "discovered",
so I'll tell you about my 20 years at Dar Maghreb in Los Angeles. The owners were very particular and allowed no singing telegrams or specialty acts for birthdays at or any special parties, with one exception....... my bellygram (I'd drive all over LA with my drummer, ready to dance and on call for LiveWires. It was amazing, even incredible and could take even more than a chapter! So many exclusive opportunities intermixed with bizarre situations! Anyway, all the other patrons always complained that I'd skipped their table whenever I'd deliver a bellygram to someone there, so the owners finally hired me themselves. As for tiring of dancing there.......... I've solved that challenge over the years by being there less. Now I only dance Friday nights and often get too busy packing, flying, performing, etc. to even go in more than a couple of times a month. It's nice this way. What's really gotten "stale" for me is the whole tipping thing. I used to like it as a fun game, yet now it just annoys me. Oh, it's not that I don't want to make money when I dance, or not allow people to show their appreciation and support. I'm wholly grateful for their
generosity and the quality of their attention. Yet, it's a distraction to deep, creative connection, as the expression becomes all about the tipping.

Am I spoiled now? When a particularly delicious passage in the music wraps itself around me and I'm living and breathing each note as if there were nothing else in life, I certainly don't want to stop to trot over to someone's table so they can give me the money they're waving. You know? Maybe a dozen measures or so later, I'll feel more social and want to move closer to them. Basically, however, I'd prefer to simply dance my heart out and not deal with receiving their tips while I'm busy mesmerizing them.

Zag: How would you describe your dance style? Are you a dancer who is more improvisational than a strict choreographer?

Mésmera: Although most seminar producers do request choreography, and I have many, I love the thrill of the unknown! I've always taught and performed in the spirit of free play because it reflects how fully we can embody the character of the music through feeling, intuition, and lightning quick reflexes utilizing all we know when the heat is on and it's the moment of truth. Like life, yes? Our ability to make creative choices shapes our lives on a daily basis.

Zag: What wisdom or advice do you wish to share with M.E. dance instructors? Students?

Mésmera: Teachers can grow great results with positive feedback. Cultivate a safe, nurturing, supportive environment, and make it fun. Be enthusiastic. Cut the personal chatter. Focus on conveying your knowledge. Be patient. Continue finding new combinations and variations to teach.

Students -- avoid comparing yourself to others. It's helpful to be inspired by other dancers, yet comparison tends to feed competition which is fruitless, as no one could be you or dance as you do. Be gentle and patient with your body's learning process and you can learn so much about yourself. Bellydance is a gateway through which we dance into an enhanced sense of self and an artful interaction with life. How vital the celebration! Let the music play on!

Zag: What are some projects you are working on now and what projects do you have in mind for the future?

Mésmera: DVD, VIDEO, DVD, VIDEO, DVD, VIDEO ........ I've got about
a dozen ideas that I'd love to see through to completion. I've just finished shooting my new Gypsy Bellydance instructional video and am determined to get it edited before 2003. There'll be news on this later, of course, once it's ready to be released. I've done a lot this year and look forward to more. I really enjoyed writing and directing a show last Spring for the Zambra Gitana event that Leela and I produced. It was so well received, that I'm considering another one. Then there's many more exotic dance adventures to be planned. India, Bali, more Peru, Africa and of course Brazil and the Luxor Festival in Sao Paulo are all very appealing, yes? I've also always wanted to produce CDs, and write books........have great studio space with good parking,
and so on and on. There's always more, and way too many ideas to ever manifest in one lifetime.

Zag: How do you want people to remember you years from now?

Mésmera: I'm hoping it will be a continuation of the present sense of respect and family that I'm now enjoying in our dance community. I'm fortunate to receive lovely emails, cards, gifts and great feedback from dancers near and far. I don't have children, yet I have hundreds of dance daughters and have trained dozens of teachers here in Los Angeles who now have students of their own. Some of the women have been dancing with me for 20 years or more and rarely miss class. Some leave to get married, or have a baby, start a business, buy a house, get a degree, or whatever, yet when the time is right, they come back.

Zag: Is there anything we haven't talked about that you would like to add to this interview?

Mésmera: Yes. I'd like to say how much it fills up my heart to see the way we share and care for each other. I've seen so much benefit come into our lives through our mutual love of music and our endless pleasure in dancing. It seems to give us energy when we're tired, centered calming when we're stressed, courage when needed, release when we're trapped and companionship when we're lonely. It brings us together in the best way and I continually watch the answer to my favorite question take form: What is the power of our dance!

Come visit me at www.mesmera.com!

Interview by:
Cheryl Pierce
Secretary to Judge William S. Shulman
U.S. Bankruptcy Court
Mobile, Alabama
Phone: 251-441-5625
Fax: 251-441-5399

It's a swift and awesome dance that we witness now upon the global stage, ....no, it's not choreographed. It's one thing after another in rapid succession, moment to moment at the speed of life that turns up the heat so hearts and minds are ablaze with every human emotion imaginable.

How remarkable to have the internet and be in the midst of a "cyberswirl" of petitions, editorials, insights, facts, opinions and pleas from various perspectives, emails with concerns for ourselves, our families, lifestyles, economy, the suffering of innocents, the impact on our world and delicate ecosystems, and on and on...... I'm so inspired by the number of courageous, creative thinkers focused on the long range cause and effect of our actions. They write with awareness and wisdom, presenting solutions that make me want to jump up out of my chair with hope for peaceful, thriving coexistence on Earth.

If only terrorism were an email we could just delete from the human experience!

It's essential to sow the seeds of creative conflict resolution at every level, so that the human race matures through learning and evolves the free will and the skills to engender tolerance, acceptance, compassion and love. Meanwhile, dance, Dance, DANCE!

© 2001, Mésmera. All rights reserved.

DANCE IS THE LANGUAGE OF SPIRIT IN-FORM-ATION. IT EMBODIES FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT IN LIFE, AND DEPICTS OUR OWN UNIQUE CREATIVE EXPRESSION IN ALL WE DO.

SHAPED BY FEELINGS THAT REVEAL INNERMOST VALUES, AND LOUDER THAN WORDS, EACH MOVE STATES QUALITY OF AWARENESS AND SENSITIVITY TO EXISTENCE AND THE PRIME MOVER: SOUND.

Here's an exercise to develop keen senses and feed creative resources. When you get some play time at home or any other appropriate opportunity, move with the following thought in mind:

Whether the sounds are breezes and birds, the city streets, voices, or best of all, MUSIC, allow yourself to be moved by each detail you hear. There are no wrong or false moves. Simply explore without judging and experience the action. If we perceive more, we feel more and can be more responsive.

Meanwhile, HAPPY HIPS! Love, Mésmera

© 2001, Mésmera. All rights reserved.

Dear Dancers and Friends,

This is one of my favorite interviews. It was done by Carla Gentile, dancer and entrepreneur. Her unique Salon, STEAM, is dedicated to feminine beauty in a most wholistic manner and Carla produces a variety of seminars to make our heads as attractive on the inside as her hair stylists and special treatments make them on the outside. In Los Angeles, CA, you can book an appointment or find out about the next workshop by calling 323 966-0024, tula@sprintmail.com.

Carla: My reason for this interview is because as far as a teacher, a performer and a dancer goes, I think you are amazing .... and I hope that you'll share with me some of your thoughts on these subjects.

Mésmera: Dance is my favorite subject. you know.

C: First, how long have you been dancing?

M: My immediate response is lifetimes..... because it really feels like that . . . but the literal answer is about twenty years.

C: What types of dancing have you done?

M: I've been captivated by Middle Eastern Dance, so that intensively, extensively and endlessly I've invested into and evolved it more than any other style of movement. I'm a "career belly dancer". I gave myself wholly to it right from the start, and I'm delighted to find that it supports me, educates me, heals me, and develops me into who I am. More recently, I've become interested also in African rhythms and dance, and in the past some flamenco ..... a bit of jazz, and as a kid, some ballet.

C: OK, I've been taking lessons from you for about two to three years and to me you seem very connected to belly dance, and I'm wondering what is the root of that connection? Why did this dance stick with you most out of any other?

M: The music drew me........ powerfully and inexplicably....... which got my attention right away, and somehow resonated something that was so deeply a core part of me, yet I didn't even know about it. So it was mystical and wonderfully enigmatic, and I went, "Ahhhhhh . . what's this?" I was hooked and I loved everything about it .... the instrumentation, the rhythms and melodies .... the imagery that came through it .... like landscape and architecture, and people from different times and places, sounds, smells... it stimulated so much, irresistibly attractive . . . and so I just kept going for it. (Laughing) Oh, look! I'm getting a bit effusive here.

C: No, that's perfect. How did you start your studies, where did you begin belly dance?

M: I'd never seen it. Didn't have a clue about it. I mean, I knew there were traditional classic and folkloric dances in every country, but I'd never seen belly dance or heard about it until I took an acting class. We were all asked to bring in our hobby, something outside of acting. I brought in a poem I'd written and read it. Other people juggled and mimed ...... and one woman excused herself from the room and came back in full costume with a cassette player, set it down and proceeded to dance.

This is vividly memorable because it was the first time I'd ever seen the dance that went with the music that made me feel so much. Years before, I'd discovered the oud and several albums of music of the Mideast. I'd listen to it, begin weeping, and not have the slightest idea why these tremendous waves of emotion were pouring through me with each exotic melody. After seeing her dance, I was totally floored and had to know more immediately. I approached her after class and found that she taught and so, I started class right away. A few weeks later, she moved away and referred me to someone else who I took from for a few months and who had me do my first recital. By then, I already craved it .... I knew I'd never be the same and that I was onto the best thing that had ever crossed my path.

C: Right, because you craved it and took to the music so much that it just came through you or......?

M: Well, I didn't really understand the music at first, but I could feel it, it "moved" me, and I liked that. Also, I loved the challenge of the movements. The fact that I couldn't do them very well right away, and that they had to be earned through practice and repetition, then refined, then layered and combined was a fascinating process for me. Each different technique was a neuro-kinetic adventure, and I felt I was reclaiming something that had always been rightfully mine, but that had lain dormant for a long time. So, the "art of the movements" themselves really tantalized me. I'd watch the shapes turn from rough sketches in the mirror into well-defined and articulate isolations. Accomplishing them was so satisfying, and all along the way, I was going beyond what I had been and was fulfilling more of my potential. I became aware of the self-worth and power that grew from enhancing myself.

C: And is that what lead you to teach? Is that what the pathway to teach was because you got so much out of it yourself?

M: That's exactly it! I wanted to share it, yes. I felt so good about what I was experiencing, I was so jazzed and delighted that I just wanted to share it with as many people that wanted it as possible. It was fun, it was beautiful, it was sensual, it was empowering, it was exciting, healthy, positive. It was contagiously constructive in every facet of my life. It also transcended to higher levels, more subtle .... beyond entertainment .... stress release, healing, inspiration, oneness. The altered states attained in trance dance were especially fertile for me. It kept unfolding into a more and more marvelous thing ...... and still is.

C: Mmmmmm .... how long have you been teaching?

M: About twenty years.

C: Can you describe one of your classes? What is the key element?

M: Well, starting with that.... I like creating a safe place in which a woman can feel comfortable exploring her freedom of movement and discovering and increasing it's range. How nice . . . she'd lived twenty, thirty, forty years or more of her life and could move only this much (gesturing); it was her limit. But then, she could participate in this particular activity and expand that range; push back the walls of limitation. It's unimaginable (greater gesturing) what the effects of increased freedom can generate in our lives and our sense of well-being. Anyway, so I create that space and I encourage them to develop themselves. I'm a guide in the dancers' self-discovery and feel privileged to assist in the flowering of each individual.

C: Is bellydance all about technique?

M: I see technique as a body language which has the moves as its vocabulary, and all of those "action-ingredients" compose the choreography. Then it becomes a matter of what you are going to say, now that you know how to express yourself in body language; what are you moving about? What is being conveyed or transmitted in those movements? So, for this reason, my classes have not only the technique training for refining and tuning the instrument, but also there's an exercise dealing with inner process, creative expression, to see what it is that wants to be expressed, and is each woman in touch with it?

Some can just pour out all kinds of feelings even though they may not have a lot of vocabulary/technique. They've got a lot of energy to share and they'll risk moving this way and that while the technique refines and increases their options for creative expression. On the other hand, would be someone who studies and studies technically and refines the moves quite adeptly, yet cannot quite grasp or begin to convey what she's feeling and doesn't think anything is moving her and why can't she just do these eight steps she learned, and then she'll do them on the other side, you know.

So there's a lot of growth potential in that state. Even though the woman seems accomplished, she's not really getting the satisfaction of feeling and being moved by her passion, of exploring her own imagination, nor does she have the presence and power that comes with the art of spontaneous creation. The charisma of a dancer who embraces the unknown is her ability to live the moment. Isn't origination always more stimulating than duplication?

C: I'm glad you're getting to that because I've been thinking a lot about "structure and freedom" in my own studies of "movement and expression" and I'm wondering what you think of structure and freedom in the dance and in teaching it?

M: Look at the polarity of the two . . . you've got your technique, and the problem is that the more you invest in your technique, the more you may become trapped and bound and patterned by it so that it's hard to ever originate and break free into spontaneity. At the other end is raw free movement and its problem is that carriage, form and countless shapes and attitudes are undiscovered, undeveloped, and therefore inexperienced.

Well, it's interesting how both evolve into each other. Structure is discovered in freedom and becomes technique, and freedom comes when you're so solid with your technique that you transcend it. Instead of getting blocked and locked into it, the moves sort of just spring up and emanate out of you kinetically in the way that language just kind of rolls off your tongue once you get on a jag about something involving strong feelings. You know ..... when you're not thinking about how you're going to say it or how it'll be taken ..... but you just really want to tell someone about an experience you had and it flows like a stream out of you ...... words, gestures. There's so much animation and rich character expression in that, and it's not a matter of language. The language all falls into place because it's all about feelings.

So when somebody gets really attached to their technique, I design a "creative process" exercise to open a doorway into their own beingness as an original individual capable of self-expansion and growth. For example, I'll create a situation that's very limited technically, like the whole time they're dancing to the music, they must choose and stick to only one move. So, they moan, "Ohhhh," but then they DO it, and they love it because the repetition finally becomes such that the body, the psyche, whatever, just has to move into a new place ...... it's time ....... so it just goes there, naturally. Now they've evolved something, they've broken free of the known and had the accomplishment of discovering and originating. Or there's other anti-technique games that I like.

Sometimes I'll ask them to do a move they've never done before, ever. The more practiced dancers have the hardest time. They begin to move and already, a well-programed pattern jumps out ..... no,no,no ..... another motion is made ...... it feels familiar .... no,no,no ....... start over again ..... there's got to be some mode of movement your body has never experienced before. Then it happens, a new impulse manifests in a unique way. It doesn't even matter if it's suitable to incorporate into the bellydance arena; the wall's been cracked and the spirit of imagination is quick to fly free. Likewise, there are many "technique-tuners" to balance that freedom and give it magnificent form. Learning occurs in each hemisphere of the brain and the integration is optimum.

C: Is your goal to release something in somebody? Are you trying to make your students reach a certain emotional level personal to them? Do you think that we can learn something from our bodies?

M: Well, yes. Absolutely! But let me set that aside for just a moment and say that I'm always coming from a heart place, from my love of dance, and my love of us. Seeing us in our struggles, in our growth, our accomplishments, and always wanting to share the joy, see the delight , and see it expand, multi fold, beyond even the amount of women that I will ever come in contact with, and in all of those women to expand out, because I see dance promoting health, peace of mind, stability, confidence, creativity; empowerment in general. That motivates me. That's where I'm coming from.

When I include the creative process work at the end of a technique class, nearly all of it is designed to explore and enhance creative spontaneity ..... I'm not really anti-technique .... yet, like in all art forms, transcending the technique is definitely what's happening with our favorite artists. Technique is so essential as a beginning foundation. It's a major neuro-kinetic accomplishment and definitely feeds self-worth and confidence which are ultimately so liberating, that the technique simply becomes vocabulary. Here's an example -- it's like hearing someone with something valuable to relate that mumbles their words and you can't even understand them.

Now consider body language in the same way. Well, I love taking someone from that place and guiding them into articulate clarity. I thank my students for helping me acquire my ability with this, by the way, because their courage and trust are totally inspiring to me. There's also the fact that they're willing to take risks because they're hungry. "Movement-speak wise," they want more. Life is movement and their appetite for this artful balance we live and dance in is amazing.

So when you ask about learning from our bodies, you're really approaching the "matter" and asking to be moved to wisdom. A dance teacher's body should be a kinetic fountain of knowledge. You observe and new possibilities occur for you. She feeds you with moves never imagined before. It's like here, digest this ...... look how this shoulder can move .... you've got one, see what it can do. That's it! What else? Okay, now double time, now in reverse, now with this accent, now layer this shimmy on it ....... and so it goes on and on as they assimilate each action, the previous boundaries are pushed and the range of expression through the body language's vocabulary becomes enough to fill a dictionary.

Yet, dictionaries don't make for very passionate reading, do they? I want them to have a deeper more fulfilling experience which means an awareness of what's moving them. In other words, all these wonderful moves are saying what? This is a question with a delightfully endless answer.

We can always go deeper; there's always more (a gesture of flower petals opening). And that's great because it remains an exciting and adventurous journey instead of a repetitious and boring discipline. And then . . . a breakthrough . . . because that's exactly what does happen . . . they see the magic happen . . . they see themselves.

Maybe on a physical level like, "Oh, I didn't know my body could move like this. How fun!" Or maybe on a mental and more emotional level like a swell of feeling . . . that makes you want to just shimmy and quiver all over, and race around the room and then just drop to the floor because that's how it felt, that's how it moved you.

It can happen on an inspirational or spiritual level in which they realize an unlimited potential to create shapes and movements and experiences; that they are the active creative source in this dance. This is a quantum leap paralleling the great dance of life; the macrocosm of the galaxy unfolding its universal choreography through time and space.

C: That's how I became interested in movement. In taking classes with you things started coming up for me, and I was noticing changes and getting in touch with myself through the dance. Experiences I had in your classes paralleled those I faced in my life. I was wondering if you did this intentionally. Not that you were trying to make me go through these things, but if you were aware of what might be going on in your students?

M: There's two things I'd like to say about this before my next class arrives. First, let's say that a woman discovers as she's studying that she has difficulty moving a certain part of her body, that it's blocked. She learns steps easier than she learns hip work, or maybe it's that she can't get arm work and upper body moves as easily as hip work. Okay, now, there's some valuable information to be gotten here. The biofeedback from the body is graphically depicting a blockage, so we have to look at that and say what's the connection? Why is this here? And as you start to question, a mystery begins to unravel. It's possible to discover things like child abuse or sexual abuse, or if not anything that extreme, then verbal abuse that programmed in a whole gang of fearful, insecure, self-slamming barriers earlier in life. It shows up in the attitude of low self-esteem, and is even more apparent in the attitude of the body, like locking up of the shoulders or a chronic sinking down of the chest. It's some unconscious pattern that clips the wings of even the most creative spirits, and the body is yelling, "Look, look, there's work to be done here! Get me out of this block! I wanna MOVE!" Without even dredging through the past and how it happened, the student generally gets the message, sees the body/mind connection, and in the new light of awareness, has an opportunity to reclaim herself, shed the past, and transform her attitude physically and mentally through her direct experience of herself gaining balance, posture, coordination, flexibility and strength. She's literally moving ahead because this isn't just sitting and passively thinking or discussing; it's actually putting the positive changes into motion right now. Kinetically speaking, she makes the statement to her nervous system and to her psyche with every new movement she learns through the doing...... and being ....... in that action. So, it's very affirming and freeing and healing in that way.

The second thing is about me as a teacher. Yes, I do love to wake up bodies. It's one of my big dance pleasures to see them, and the spirit that lives in them, gaining more mobility and freedom of expression; a more alive individual with much more imagination visibly at play. Sure, I love that, yet I don't get attached . "I" stay out of it. I don't go about like, "Oh, yes, Fredricka, I want her to see THIS." It's more integrated than that and much more organic. I get delighted when I see breakthroughs, and I do experience a lot of excitement and satisfaction with that. I feel proud of them, I give them feedback and I encourage them to go for more. Yet, I sure don't want to have a personal goal for anyone else. It might make me too pushy or intolerant ....... and there really is no rush. It takes as long as it takes. Some of my snakes shed their skins, for example, in half an hour, while some take a day or two. If it takes somebody six months to learn how to do a camel walk or they get it perfect in about thirty seconds, it really doesn't matter to me. Why should I add expectation and pressure to their learning experience, their life, their process? I want to just make sure that the table is never empty, and when they're "hungry for more", I want to make sure that the table is full and the cups are running over all the time, so there's plenty to feast on .... and learn .... and grow from ..... and it should be fun all the time. I don't see my stress on the rate of their achievement as a plus.

C: My last question is about performance. When I began dance classes with you, I remember being concerned about my goal. I've always loved to dance, yet these were my first actual classes. I wondered if I should be striving to perform. Do you think performance is always the goal in studying dance?

M: No . . . No! (Laughing) I really feel dance should be part of our daily lives! It's very healthy. You don't need expensive memberships or exotic equipment, or any particular instruments to pursue and enjoy it. There doesn't even have to be a witness, although the presence of a witness is pretty interesting. An audience definitely adds other dynamics, but that's only one arena for the art of dance ...... the marketplace. My deepest, purest, most exhilarating, endorphin-releasing experiences have been private moments when I was dancing alone ..... sometimes naked ..... or maybe just while cleaning house in a sweatshirt and sloppy clothes ...... and some music I was playing came to a particularly moving part, and I just put down the sponge and stepped into the living room and was thrilled by what poured through me. I've felt the unlimited potential for life and creativity ...... and I wanted for nothing ...... my heart overflowing with gratitude ..... it was enough just to be there.

So, no, performance is not the only ideal. Besides, there are opportunities to dance with others in our dance community, as well as our family or friends, or someone you're intimate with when you want to share beyond your own personal self.

C: That's beautiful! Thank You, Mésmera. Anything you'd like to add?

M: Yes. As you shape your dance, you shape your life, so - DANCE YOUR DESIRE!

© 2001, Carla Gentile. All rights reserved.